Thursday, November 6, 2008

The Thing That Bugs Me About Corvettes

Certain cars, for whatever reason, attract bothersome slow drivers. I have yet to think, "Gosh, this Prius ahead of me sure is doing a good job of keeping up with traffic," for example. The Prius bugs me for too many reasons to go into in this post, however (the big reason is "pretend green.").

There is another breed of slow driver out there, one which has no right, nor reason, to impede the natural flow of traffic, and yet can always be found going exactly the speed limit, if not slower.

These drivers are in Corvettes.

This drives me nuts. I like Corvettes, particularly the 70's era, but the newest incarnations are pretty hot too. If I'm ever in a position to get a flashy sportscar, and I don't get a Pantera (or get what I really want, a Ducati), it will probably be a Corvette. And I will drive the almighty hell out of that car every time I get in it, because that is what they are meant for. To paraphrase Woody Allen, why even have a car like that if you're not going to drive it expeditiously now and then?

I know the insurance is extremely expensive. I know that police keep an eye out for sportscars. I know they guzzle gas. So does anyone else planning to get one. So why, oh why would you buy one and then drive it like an old man in his beat up pickup truck? Good lord, you bought the ticket, take the ride already.

If you'll permit me to go on a small, philosophical tangent, slow Corvette drivers are the vehicular embodiment of mediocrity. I'm not talking about cash value here. There they are, in a sleek, fast car which handles better than the great majority of cars on the road. They can weave through traffic, they can take curves without slowing down, and they can outrun most any other car on the road. And what are they doing? Creeping along slower than everyone else because they don't want to risk a high fuel bill and an insurance hike if a cop notices them. Fear keeps them from stomping on the gas, hanging on to the wheel and just hauling ass.

Man, I hate that. I won't claim to be a fearless achiever all the time - fear has tripped me up several times - but I try to do more than sit on my ass slowing everyone else down and being bored. I've got everything I need, why not run with it?

It's just something I think about in traffic...