Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The Great Motorcycle Zombie-Avoidance Tour?

Last night, Lady Luck and I arrived home and found our neighborhood swarming with police officers.

The street to our driveway was blocked, so we parked as close as we could, and got out to walk to our house. We were met by an officer who told us they were looking for a guy with a shaved head, white t-shirt and blue jeans.

I thought, but did not say, "Shit, that describes half the people I know."

Anyway, I let one of the officers check our garage. Then Lady Luck and I went in our house and I checked for zombies. I went out to our back yard, which is walled in, looked around, said "Any weirdos out here?" and went back in the house.

I went upstairs to our balcony to have a look into my neighbors' yards. I stood out there a minute, saw an officer in one of the other yards, and then HOLY SHIT THERE'S A WEIRDO IN MY NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR FRED'S* YARD!!

Before I had a chance to wave at the cop and point, I heard Fred's back door open and a whole lot of officers yelling, then saw them swarm into the yard with their guns drawn on the guy.

I decided it would be prudent to get my ass back in the house then.

So, over the next half hour or so, we learned that this guy had been stopped in his car, and an officer found a very large stash of drugs. Being a dumbass, the guy ran into our neighborhood, which is next door to a police station. He must have tried all the front doors until he found one which was open.

Fred thinks he might have left his keys in the door that day. He'd been upstairs, and heard his door slam. He went downstairs and found his keys on the floor, and thought maybe I'd found them and just tossed them into his house.

So then he found this guy hiding out in his downstairs bathroom.

The guy said he'd been in a fight, and had been chased. Fred told him he should go to the police across the street. The dude didn't want to go, so Fred gave him a glass of water and told him to hang out on his patio. Fred also told him there were officers outside and he was going to go get one and tell him what had happened to this guy.

And then he locked the guy in his backyard. Fred is awesome.

Fred went out, told the police, took them through his house and they arrested the guy.

So, based on the increasing number of zombie incidents in my neighborhood**, we're going to start keeping the front door locked when we're home. Which sucks. I hate locking the house up. I feel like I'm keeping me in, not keeping others out, if you can dig it.

*Obviously, not his real name

**My bicycle stolen, a handicapped neighbor's driver was held up, the zombie hooker incident, gasoline stolen out of cars...